It wasn't long, just a minute or two, but I obediently sat (no, not in the middle of the road, but in the middle of my day, because he said so), closed my eyes and tried to clear my mind and think about it. My submission to him...
And I thought that we would be better if I could manage to just really submit sweetly all the time. That I know I don't, but it would be better for our relationship if I did, if I could.
Should that be a revelation? No. Of course he wants me to submit. Of course he wants me sweet. Of course he wants it all the time. And aren't we all about me giving him exactly what he wants when he wants it?
Ummm. Yes. of course.
So why don't I? Because sometimes I get mad, or frustrated or disappointed or a hundred other things. Sometimes I'm spectacularly unsubmissive.
Am I trying to punish him? I hadn't really thought of it that way. Maybe I am. He doesn't give me exactly what I want so I don't give him exactly what he wants? I guess that's not the way we're supposed to work.
But if I do give it all the time, then how will he know? How will he learn what I want, what's important to me?
Won't he take me for granted?
How the hell is this supposed to work anyway?
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