Change

He and I may have come to the end of the line. I really don't know. I don't think I have ever felt quite this discouraged and betrayed.

He picked a fight. It escalated. Eventually he went away, took himself away. To punish me. It's one of the things he does.

And then he came back, determined to smash me into the ground.

Told me I'm not allowed to ask him about his time. That he's tired of giving me all his time, and having to account for any of it while he's not with me. That it's none of my business. That I nag all the time, that I hound him, and that I pressure him.

I feel like I have offered him everything of me, and that this is a total rejection. I am crushed.

I asked him to stay and talk to me. He left anyway.

I feel desperately wounded. I feel like a loser, a fool. What have I been doing all these years?

Why would I offer myself to someone who doesn't want me?

This has to change. I need to change this.

I can't change him. I need to change myself. I need to change my part of this relationship. And he has no fucking idea that he's done this to me. And really, I don't think he'd care.